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Greetings, people of America

1/6/13 by e-lord
Updated 1/7/13

It is I, your new President, Lex Luthor.

I would like to thank all of the employees who served under my campaign for their commitment, continued support and most importantly- their votes.

All joking aside, I'd like to address the elephant in the room. I know I have many very outspoken critics, ones who call me a monster, a tyrant, or even a villain. I also know that many others are afraid to speak out against me, in fear of what I could do to them. And that truly is a travesty- that America, one of the only free nations on Earth, has people that are too afraid to exercise their right to free speech.

In light of these completely justified criticisms, I think it's best that I come clean about something that I've been hiding about myself, even before I decided to run for office.

I'm afraid, too.

The world we're living in isn't the one we grew up with, not the one that our parents prepared us for. Countless hostile aliens have invaded this this country, headlines about super-criminals' exploits plague daily newspapers. Towns, neighborhoods, even cities have been destroyed in accordance with the whim of a sociopath.

But they're not what I'm afraid of. America has been through many dark times, and every time, even when all hope seemed lost, the American people, and their spirits prevailed.

For example, when my grandfather, Leopold Luthor, immigrated from Germany, he started out with nothing but but $5, and a family with seven children to feed. After five years of scraping by, working long hours for little pay, sometimes even going days without eating, he bought thirty acres of land to start his very own ranch, and secured a future for his children. That's the American way- enduring until the sweat of our brow pays off.

What I'm afraid of, fellow citizens, is the outsourcing of the American spirit.

Superhumans, aliens, all watching us from space, laser pointing downwards. They call us their protectors, fight our battles for us.

They sap America dry of its spirit, allowing others to solve their hardships for them. These superhumans make America weak.

Some of you may think I'm overreacting, xenophobic even. That the Justice League just wants to help. And help, they do.. without government regulation. Though they call themselves the Justice League of America, they don't report to my predecessor, or any other government official. Some of them might not even pay taxes.

But, you may say, why should they pay taxes when they pay back the American people every day with their services? A fair point. But with all of their power, their influence, their past deeds, and their resources, what's to stop them from ignoring the government completely? What's to stop them from taking me or the American government down, as some of them seem willing to do, and reinventing it in their image? What if we don't like their image? Can we stop them?

While I respect my opponents, and thought they took valuable stances on important issues, neither one of them addressed superhumans. If they are unwilling to pass bills limiting the amount of authority the Justice League has over the government, they might find themselves unable to govern if Superman tells them to stand down, telling the country that he'd take it from here.

But not me. The main goal of my administration is to help give America's strength back to its people, who I know are capable of great things, even without Justice League. Our people shouldn't trust aliens to uphold American values, morality and ethics- those should come from your elected officials. I want Americans to help Americans again, and I know you do too.


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And you might want to delete this now.



And you might want to delete this now.



Your hair's on fire.




Can I rub your bald head for good luck?



Big talk coming from a cyborg fused with foreign parts.



*Votes for Luthor*